Pros of a recent Ex:
Best first few dates ever.
Was never physically abusive.
Never forced me into doing anything I didn’t want to do.
Made me coffee.
Gave me an amazing 25th birthday celebration.
Helped me with my sleep paralysis symptoms.
Was mainly giving during sexcapades and always did proper aftercare.
Would make me feel beautiful at random times during the day.
Helped me learn how to not be so nervous or anxious of being touched by others.
Always paid for me whenever we went anywhere.
Went on fun adventures and got to have a lot of firsts together.
Helped me grow towards who I wanted to be during a rougher period of time in my life.
Helped me get the courage to leave my dead-end jobs and to try something new.
Made me feel like I was finally worth something to someone after so long of being put on pedestals that I could never maintain.
Had a cute dog we took care of together.
Cons of the same Ex:
Kept me isolated from my friends and family by making me feel guilty of not being around when he wanted me around.
Disregarded my eating disorder symptoms and either guilted me into eating or indirectly insulted me when I gain weight by saying things like, “You COULD be hotter” or “it’s all just in your head and you should just get over it so you can be who you want to be.”
Made me feel bad about having feelings that weren’t centered around him and then turned it around on me saying that I had no life outside of him.
Didn’t understand the stress I felt from entering a new field of work that was completely the opposite of what I wanted to do as a career and how I kept being worried I would somehow end up fired because the supervisor I had then just made me hate myself constantly.
Treated me like a stranger when his friends were around and made me feel like I didn’t belong even though he was the one who invited me to hang out.
Got mad when I told him I wanted to live by myself first before I ever fully moved in with him.
Said his house was mine too but then whenever I tried to add anything of my own or do anything, he just told me I was taking up too much his space.
Made me guilty about him spending money on me even though I constantly offered to pay for both of us or at least my half.
Clearly had issues with his ex’s that he just wasn’t ready to let go of and would often compare me to them (i.e. “You’re too nice.” or “If it were [ex name] they would have done this.)
Would complain about how I wouldn’t be super affectionate with him in private but then the moment I showed any form of it that wasn’t started by him that I was being too clingy and too much.
Made me second guess myself all the time.
Never once in the 2+ years we were together said, "I love you.”
Would tell me that I could take to him about marriage, the future, and the like with him but never showed any actual interests in such things (which is why I didn’t talk about it at all).
Would stress me out with questions like “What would you do if you found out I suddenly got you pregnant?” or “Do you really think you’re mentally stable since you did try to kill yourself before? Should I just go ahead and check you in to a place for a few days?”
Had the nerve to tell me that he “didn’t know” me after 2+ years and then eventually also told me that he never wanted us “to be strangers”
Only showed actual appreciation for me when he had either been drinking a lot or just was high AF.
Would make me feel like any of his bad habits that he wanted to break but kept relapsing into was my fault.
Acted like I was the most stressful factor in his life even though I worked hard to keep our relationship stress free and happy almost daily.
Would forget things all the time and then whine about how I didn’t make him remember.
Expected me to just be the life of the party when dealing with friends and family but never gave me enough time to have the time I needed to actually know people properly because he would rarely ever talk about them.
Got mad at me when I called out one of his brothers for doing things that weren’t okay because his family just excuses him all the time for it without ever truly holding him accountable for it.
Would make me feel bad for not being welcoming towards people who literally joked about and threatened the livlihoods of my friends in the LGBTAQ+ community.
Would insult me when I couldn’t say what I was feeling (I have issues with speaking my thoughts in emotional scenarios because I literally grew up being silenced all the time by my family, which I had explained several times before to him).
Would tell me it was okay to cry and to talk to him but the moment I did he would criticize me for it and told me I shouldn’t fuss over things at all.
Whenever I would actually call him out on something he would bring it back around on me 10 fold and I just wasn’t allowed to make the same mistakes.
Would always offer to help me with things like moving and then when the moment came for him to do it, he would bail.
Was a complete and total coward.
Has tried to get me to pay attention to him only after our break up and does stupid things like send me random messages.
So basically, I dodged a huge bullet and thank God I can finally breathe again and recognize how great and amazing I have always been long before he came and long after he is gone. I can recognize the good, my own mistakes, and to not worry about shit talking. But I also recognize how he did truly wrong me in several ways and now I know that I’m capable of wearing those rose colored glasses like anyone else. I’m not afraid of me or the me I’m set to become anymore.
